Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
