He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
