It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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