I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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