i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
