Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
