Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
