Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
