my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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