Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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