What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
