Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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