you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
