hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
