he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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