You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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