I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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