saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
