but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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