If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
