that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
