the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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