don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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