You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
