Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
