Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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