I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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