We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
