dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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