I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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