I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We're too hungover to prance.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
