Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
