He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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