i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
