Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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