I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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