I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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