Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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