best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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