ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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