8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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