I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
