i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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