Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
