If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
