Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
