I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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