I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
