Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
