honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
