I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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